Cold WarThoughts
by Wolf-girl-Artemis
Summary: Why do you glare at me so angrily? I did nothing that you were not doing-we both knew that neither of us were going to follow that treaty-we decided not to trust each other, did we not?


_Whywhywhywhywhy? Why do I feel hurt at this, bastard. I didn't do anything wrong...you signed it-then why do ya' still make them? You don't trust me? Impossible! After all, I'm..._

_**Why...you blatantly accuse me of continuing to make nuclear weapons, yet you do it too? I do not understand...we both know it could never have lasted. Was it not just to release tension? Because we found each other attractive? **_

_Wait. In the first place, what did I do to make you angry? I mean, it **is** me after all...I can do nothing wrong...can I(Don't say it bastard. I know that was a lie...still... didn'cha say once that you loved that about me)? No. It's not me. It's him. ...I think. No, can't let myself doubt. It is him. That I know._

_**Why do you glare at me so angrily? I did nothing that you were not doing-we both knew that neither of us were going to follow that treaty-we decided not to trust each other, did we not? We decided we could not be trusted...because our people hold too much power over us...although we may think differently, we can never do anything...and we both know what fear does to the people in a country. You do, don't you? It is not my fault-I would never-...it was just for relief, was it not? Then why...am I arguing? I don't...do I**_

_Maybe maybe ya didn't want too? Our country parts are not all of us, not to mention the different beliefs...but no, he would have told me. Should've told me. ...I didn't chase you away, right? Did I brag too much, say something to make you not trust me? Even though I try my best to help everyone? Or...did you really believe that promise we made, not to trust each other? Because we both know...that we did. Trust each other, I mean. I won't ever admit it though. For I'm not the bad guy here, right? I'm always the hero..._

_**I see it in your eyes. You are angry with me, why? Don't tell me you broke your promise, sunflower. Do not blame me for keeping it, please, sunflower. Our emotions should get in the way of our country...but then, why do I feel something I have no name for. Is it...?Nononono. Just attraction. That is it. But even after admitting it, why do I still feel...**_

_Your eyes...they show confusion. Yes, I can see it. I'm not entirely ignorant, at least, I'm not when I don't want to be. You know that. We knew each other that well, didn't we? I still remember what you told me, about your childhood, the Tsars you've had. Did you forget what I told you too? You act like I can't see it-see your confusion. However-if ya don't know the reason, you deserve it. I will fight you, not as me though, but through little things, small battles, proxy wars(hah, a big word). Even now I can't fight you fight you...do you feel the same? Although I think you deserve a punch to the face, stupid bastard. Idiot..._

_**I realized today. I found the name for what I am feeling. Guilt, it is called. I have not felt it in such a long time...if ever. After that promise...why do I still feel this emotion? I hate it. And it is you who makes me feel this way. You caused this wretched emotion to wrack me. Hate it. Hate it ,hate it...love-love what? Not going to think-ugh. That feeling again. I (excuse me, I have never been one for your slang but...) f*****g hate it. It makes me feel so horrible I think I...**_

_They changed today. Your eyes. You're blocking it out. What we felt...now, I only feel anger from you. Take that! Feel what I feel...maybe you'll apologize. Even though we both know you're stubborn...as much as I am_

_**...hate you. You caused me to feel this. HATE you. I have buried the part of me that has thought anything different. However, it is still there, no matter how much I want it to the part of me that cares, the part I want to disappear, yet want to keep so badly...it is impossible for me to get rid of it. But it's locked so deep now...I do not think it will ever come out again. **_

_Your eyes changed again. This time though...I'm scared, Ivan. They look so cold. What happened to the eyes that showed love, the ones that looked at me so dearly and tenderly. There is only a spark there, something that shows me that I'm not crazy, Ivan. You locked them away, didn't you...your feelings for me. I had just wanted you to hurt like I did. I guess that failed, though. And ya' know? I think I'll do the same. Lock my feelings for you away, I mean. I won't call you Ivan again. I lost that privilege. Heck, I don't even want it anymore. I think...we'll never go back to those days, will we, commie? I had loved you, ya' know? But...no more. Those feelings will be locked away soon, the good memories shoved into a dusty, unused corner of my mind._

_**Alfred...this is the last time I will ever admit it to myself, sunflower, but...I think I get everything now. I had loved you, and I think you did the same, Alfred. But it takes two to ruin a relationship, I have lived long enough to realize that. You are the first person I have ever loved, Alfred. I realized that, too. You will be the last though. Because this time, I am really locking it away. So I can have myself fight you through proxy and words, like we have been doing all along. Now though, they won't really hurt me. I hope they hurt you though, for making me do this, after you finally broke through my frozen heart. I did not want to admit it, still do not, but I think I need to admit it before I can finally lock these feelings away...I loved you, so much, Alfred. But we will never go back to those days, Alfred America. **_

A brush of the shoulders.

A turn of the head. (_Ah!)_

The reaching out of a hesitant hand.(_W-wait! I-I_)

The halting footsteps.(_**hm?**_)

Inquisitive eyes. (_**What Is it, America?**__)_

Caring eyes- (_I-)_

now turned cold (_Don't bump into me, bastard _)

A nod of the head and a glare. (_**Then don't interrupt me, **_**America**_)_

Two smiles, a thought. (_Maybe... __**Maybe...**_we could be together again, sometime in the future)

THE END

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><p><strong>alright. One of the shortes things I've written, and I have no idea where the heck that came from. Espically the end- I never write like that. Whatever. I hope you liked it-surprisingly, I like this one. Hope you like it! And be nice-it's my first Hetalia fanfic.<strong>


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